Coping...

or at least trying too. I feel differently as the hours go in in the day. I find myself analyzing every moment, wondering what was sincere, when this exactly happened and if he really felt the way he said he did.....it is hard, I hate, hate, hate that he met so many of my friends and family, esp my parents. That makes it all worse for me. I don't like to get them involved unless it has hope, unless there is a good chance we will be together for a while, just feeling disappointed. I miss him. Terribly...we spent so much time together and had so much of this city we were going to take by storm. I know I did fine here before him and I will do fine after, but right now I am feeling the raw pain, I am numb, I am just going through the motions and can't help thinking, is something wrong with me? How can someone say such serious things and within 4 weeks just say he doesn't feel them anymore, I mean is that possible. Is he confused, did we just need a break as things had gotten so weird that maybe that is the only way to be normal again. I find myself wondering will he call....when will he call and I resist every urge I have to reach out because given the circumstances, he needs to miss me, feel what life is like here without me in it, see if that makes him feel anything.....I just worry that when he asked if he could call, I didn't answer, I couldn't answer, I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me.....I feel like I have learned enough lessons and I am due for some good, I am due to be loved back the way I love and I really thought he could be that for me....I really did.